Okay so first off, I want to apologize for being late on this Wizard Post. When they first started I told everyone that you could hold me to this time frame, and, regrettably, I have let you all down this week. Over the past several days I have had several prominent members of the community approach me and express their dissatisfaction with the state of my posts, and the fact that this one in particular has been so egregiously late. It is no one's fault but my own, for failing to meet this deadline, and I do want to say how deeply sorry I am that I have disappointed my legions of fans.
Well now that is out of the way let's dig into the meat of the post itself.
The Wizard Discovers a Time Reversal Spell!
Yes! that's right! I have discovered the magical technology needed to reverse the flow of time itself! This discovery was, of course, necessitated by how late this week's Wizard Post originally was. With my new magical knowledge, however, I was able to travel back in time and preempt my error, allowing me to escape the scathing rebuttal from the community that I had already endured in the previous timeline.
I am also willing to sell this spell to the current CM of these boards, as he seems to be in dire need of it, but clearly lacks the magical prerequisites to make the discovery himself.
The Wizard goes Back in Time and Kills Dmitri Yolonov Before the Genocide
Yes, that is correct. One of the most reviled human beings to ever live has been successfully removed from the timeline. The nuclear genocide he committed against the world has long been one of the darkest chapters in the history of humanity. Fortunately, with my newest discovery, I was able to travel back in time and kill him as an infant, undoing all of his repugnant actions before he could even consider performing them.
First off, I want to say that you're welcome, world. I truly am the greatest wizard ever to walk the earth, and if any of you were capable of remembering the atrocities of Dmitri Yolonov, you would, doubtless, agree with me wholeheartedly, and pay me the respect and homage that is my due. As it is though, with your painfully limited ability to comprehend the intricacies of the space time continuum, and your inability to comprehend the ugly fate from which I have saved you all, I am willing to accept a mere 'thank you', as I am after all a very humble wizard who has no need to inflate his ego through trite and empty platitudes.
Also, like I mentioned prior, I am willing to sell this spell to our venerable and esteemed CM. I think one billion dollars would be a more than fair price.
The Wizard Sits on his Couch and Contemplates the Meaning of Life
Yes, this week I engaged in an hours long session of sit and ponder, upon my favorite couch. It was quite relaxing, and I emerged from it feeling both refreshed, and relieved to know that I was correct the first time I deduced the meaning of life. A quick check of the universe and all of its systems and functions demonstrated that not only was I unequivocally correct in my earlier deductions, but also that I was truly the most brilliant wizard to ever walk the earth. Both conclusions were clear to me as I read the data in the ashes of a dying star, and gazed upon the mind warping emptiness of singularity. Such breath taking marvels, proclaiming the greatness of myself.
Oh, also I saw Suicide Squad this week. It was kind of disappointing. Would not pay to see it again.
See you all next week, and yes, you can hold me to that time frame.