(or in other words: I figured this would be easier done as one thread than as twenty)
Suggestions are sorted by type.Changes from the last edit are in bold. Last edit: April 20thGeneral Templating
(not specific to any one card)
"gets" vs. "gains": IW does not seem to have a consistent style here. I prefer Magic's "gets +X/+Y" and "gains [ability]", but any consistent style will do.
Random discard: I prefer "discard a card a random", but I've also seen IW use "discard one random card" and "discard one card at random". Just pick one.
Passive Voice: IW does not have a consistent style here. It might be correct to eliminate all use of the passive voice.Ascension (Preview Cards From Quests Only)Mindbender (Ascension #??): This discard is not at random.Infestation: Spelling/Grammar/Style (Style suggestions are italicized.)
Annihilate (Infestation #9): Flavour text lacks a period.
Bloodthirsty Dead (Infestation #12): Flavour text lacks an apostrophe (The sleepers').
Boomy (Infestation #13): Rules text lacks a comma ("he explodes, dealing...").Bury (Infestation #18): I prefer "and put it into your graveyard."Cyber Infested Dragon (Infestation #24): I prefer "and create 6 Endless Hordes in your graveyard". Does not create tokens when sacrificed to Secluded Constructor. (How to sacrifice a dragon to secluded constructor is left as an exercise for the reader.)
Dead Feaster (Infestation #25): It may not be a hard rule to never end a sentence with a preposition, but here there's no reason to; flavour text should be closer to "There are some things upon which only the dead may feast."
Decrepit Crystal (Infestation #26): Flavour text should not capitalize "bones". The trigger is repeatable and thus should likely be "Whenever". Why is this "additional"?Defender of the Realm (Infestation #27): I prefer "While..." or "As long as..." to "If..." conditions that may cease to be true.
Desolation (Infestation #31): Rules text lacks a period.Disarm (Infestation #33): I prefer "Target character in a combat zone's power becomes 0 this turn."
Enyah, of the Endless Possibilities (Infestation #37): Name should be "Enyah of the Endless Possibilities". (The comma is unnecesary.) Calls itself Varyus instead of Enyah when informing you you cannot include two copies of a card in deck.
Flame Dawn Fanatic (Infestation #38): "it's" should be "its".
Frenzied Monstrosity (Infestation #40): The comma in the rules text is unnecessary; the one in the flavour text should be a period.
Hungry Abomination (Infestation #46): The name of the card should be capitalized in its own text. Flavour text appears to be unfinished.
Inevitable Dead (Infestation #47): "At the end of the first turn of the
game". I would also prefer active voice over passive here.
Infected Devil (Infestation #48): "Sleeper of Avarrach" is a card name and should be capitalized accordingly.
Infected Drone (Infestation #49): "Robot" is not a character type; "artificial" is probably intended.Infest (Infestation #52): I prefer active voice here. I feel there is a better template as well, but cannot provide one at this time.
Makes a 5/5 Sleeper of Avarrach instead of the 6/4 Risen of Avarrach mentioned.
Infested Knight (Infestation #56): "A flesh" is very awkward; consider "but I did not expect to see flesh turn to metal." (Should this be Artificial?)
Kali, the Purifier (Infestation #61): The last comma in the flavour text is unnecessary.
Kyrallic, Origin of the Virus (Infestation #62): "singly-mindedly" should be "single-mindedly".
Mechanism (Infestation #66): Rules text is awkward and uses a tone rarely found elsewhere; consider "At the end of the turn, all characters next to Mechanism get +1/+1."
Prophet Karani (Infestation #73): Warpath should be capitalized. This text is unclear enough it needs a retemplate I am not confident to provide until or unless I play with it. I believe "she hath" is also incorrect.Purify (Infestation #74): I prefer active voice here.
Recurring Nightmare (Infestation #77): The comma in the flavour text is unnecessary.
Scramble (Infestation #80): No Exile cost is written; is this "Exile 0"?
Shifting Stone (Infestation #81): "Character" should be lowercase.
Skraar's Young (Infestation #82): The rules text is missing a (trailing) period.
Summoning Stone (Infestation #85): The token should be a "flying demon character token". This card removes all counters when exhausted. If this is intended, the template is wrong. If this is unintended, the card is horribly bugged.
Survival Swarmer (Infestation #88): "it's" in the flavour text should be "its".Taunt (Infestation #89): I prefer active voice here.
The Demon Wastes (Infestation #92): The ability should not have a line break in it. Consider "this turn" instead of "until the end of turn".
Wheezer, Demon of Smog (Infestation #99): The rules text is missing a period.
Wreckful Walrus (Infestation #100): "underfoot" is standard. Something else seems wrong about this text, but I can't quite place it.Other templating
Agent Coyle, Alpha One (Infestation #3): This has the worst case of Tygris-itis I've ever seen; even worse than Tygris himself, in fact.
I have been informed of this card's effect by a friend who opened one. This template is intentionally not how other cards do it to fit on a card.
Agent Coyle, Alpha One
Pay 3: Alpha One gets +3/+3 permanently.
Pay 4: Attacks twice this turn.
Pay 6: Can't be dealt more than 3 damage at once this turn.
Pay 8: Kills target character instead of fighting it this turn.
Agent Coyle, Zomborg (Infestation #4): This has the same issue as Alpha One.
Aleta, the Immortal Searcher (Infestation #6): This ability should indicate somehow that it occurs immediately and cannot be undone (like the trading post). At the minimum, I suggest "immediately draw a card".
Cheryl, the Forward Scout (Infestation #19): Rules text lacks ending "from the game".
Demonize (Infestation #29): This card should read "is fully healed, then" before "is transformed".
Fleeting Footman (Infestation #39): Why does this specify "to the support zone"? Hinekiri does not.
Hubris of the Strong (Infestation #45): I have not been able to test this, but does this make a Defense Golem 0/1? If not, the text should be closer to "Target character in a combat zone is fully healed, then becomes 1/1."
Rabid Rabbit (Infestation #75): It is unclear whether the transformation occurs before or after combat. Add "character" after "undead" for consistency.
Suppress (Infestation #86): It is unclear whether this effect applies to triggered abilities.
Surprise Defense (Infestation #87): The order of the cards put into the defense zone is unclear. I prefer "return them to your hand".
Tithe Collector (Infestation #58): This effect does not work as printed. I suggest "character cards your opponent owns".Uncontrolled Rift (Infestation #95): I do not think "from Infinity Wars" is necessary.
Uncontrolled Rift can create promotional cards (such as the Santa Secluded Constructor); though I cannot confirm this without seeing the code, this likely means cards with multiple printings are more likely to appear, which seems not the intent.Core: This entire section is new.
Burning Prejudice (CORE #24): "all other characters" should specify "on the battlefield".
Call the Crusade (CORE #25): These tokens are not identical to the card Flame Dawn Aspirants, as their morale cost is 1. The text should specify "with morale cost 1".
Cannon Fire (CORE #7): "in a combat zone" should be "in combat zones" (as they do not have to be in the same zone.)
Flame Ram (CORE #31): This should read "When Flame Ram directly attacks an enemy fortress, deal 15 damage to that fortress." (This is to clarify that it deals its normal combat damage as well.)
Meditating Monk (CORE #95): This should read "At the end of the turn, if there are no characters in an opponent's assault zone".Changes below this line are style changes.
Aleta, Immortal Caretaker (CORE #40): "target" should be capitalized.
Aleta, Immortal Sorceress (CORE #58): "deal" and "pay" should be capitalized; "pay" should come before "exhaust"
Ao Shun, Dragon of Wisdom (CORE #84): Remove "you" before "draw a card". (Even better, write "At the start of each turn Ao Shun is on the battlefield, draw 2 cards." per Hidden by Clouds.)
Battlefield Scavenger (CORE #59): "defensive zone" should be "defense zone". Remove "you" before the first "draw a card".
Bromich, Field Commander (CORE #23): "attacking zone" should be "assault zone".
Caretaker of the Young (CORE #44): "create" should be capitalized.
Daode, Sage of Strength (CORE #87): "all" should be capitalized.
Demon of Gluttony: First ability's restriction should be "This ability can only be used once per turn".
Field Engineer (CORE #107): "defensive zone" should be "defense zone".
Great Wall of Jinhai (CORE #90): "Defensive Zone" should be "defense zone".
Martyr Golem (CORE #111): "heal" should be capitalized.
Orion, Master Architect (CORE #13): "create" should be capitalized. I suggest writing the last text as "where X is twice the cost of the card removed".
The Hellmouth (CORE #72): "create" should be capitalized.Rise: This entire section is new
Aleta, the Immortal Traveler (RISE #1): This card should be named "Aleta, Immortal Traveler" (for consistency). The cost should be before the colon - "Pay X, Exhaust: Create an Unlimited character of your choice with cost X-1.".
Ancient Egg (RISE #11): See http://lightmare.com.au/forum/index.php?topic=19521.0
Evellee, Mage Guild Recruiter (RISE #4): The first ability should read "Pay X+1, Exhaust: Put the first character [or a random character, whichever it is] from your deck costing X or below into play." The second ability can be similarly changed.
Hell's Gambler (RISE #93): This should be written "Hell's Gambler gains either +4/+4 or -4/-4 at random. This ability can only be used once per turn." (As written, a reasonable interpretation is that the rolls are separate.)
Low Orbit Ion Cannon (RISE #29): The cost for this should be "Pay 3, Exhaust".
Tygris, the Architect (RISE #34): See http://lightmare.com.au/forum/index.php?topic=19521.0
Zom-B-Gone 4000 (RISE #35): This card actually targets characters in a combat zone.Changes below this line are style changes.
Heaven's Bell (RISE #72): "Defense Zone" should be "defense zone".
Mark 1 'Brimstone' Battle Tank (RISE #55): "deal" should be capitalized.
Shrapnel Launcher (RISE #32): "target" should be capitalized.Balance ChangesRepair and Rally
Both of these cards are clearly worthless; you are effectively giving up _two_ cards in exchange for 15 life or morale, as the opportunity cost of playing a 5-cost card is not drawing a card with the Trading Post.
There are four options here: one is to say "we don't care about worthless cards existing", which I certainly hope is not the answer; a second is to reduce the cost, but I think these cards are bad even at 0 to play; a third is to increase the life or morale gained (perhaps to 30 or 40, though this would of course need to be tested by the supersecret team of secretness.) The fourth option is, of course, the one that I can prefer; in exchange for putting a card in your deck you cannot use until you have five resources, let's remove the opportunity cost.
My suggested new text:
Rally - You gain 15 morale. Draw two cards. Remove Rally from the game.
Repair - Your fortress is repaired 15 damage. Draw two cards. Remove Repair from the game.
(More to come).Other
Teremus should get a raise.